I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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