Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
