when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
