it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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