k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
