You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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