drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
