I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I've blown a few things in my day
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize