All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
