Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
