TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I love you.
Bad choice
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
