woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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