I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
