She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
