Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
