chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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