There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I can tuck mytits in my pants
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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