I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Pants are for mortals
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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