you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
