Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
