It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
