I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
