Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
