I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
