THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
