I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
