She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
