Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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