So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
