So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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