Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize