Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My pussy is not your playground.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
