he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
