If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
