i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
