There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
