508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's never too late to be topless.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize