Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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