Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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