If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
