Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
