They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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