Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
