If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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