Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
