I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
