your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i out mim tonsoeep
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