it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
