New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
