Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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