I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
