I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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