I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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