That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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