I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
FUCK WHALES
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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