1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
