how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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