So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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