Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
be right there i have to get my cape
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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