mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
