fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize