Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
