I looked at my own cervix.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
