At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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