I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize