Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
