Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I didn't notice because vodka
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
