She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
