Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
