My nipple is on Facebook.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
