Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
